Finding Nora Read online

  “Then why is it so hard for you to let us do it for you?”

  “I…” She rubbed her forehead. “I want to be on the same level you are,” she admitted.

  “What do you mean, the same level?” Ryan asked from across the room. He stalked toward her. “You do you mean?”

  “You’re going to be a lawyer. “ Unable to look at him while she spoke, she stared at her lap. “Cai’s amazing at the youth center, helping all those kids. Seok can build houses. Apollo’s going to be a physical therapist, and Matisse, he designed some sort of system allowing you to hack into my sealed files. You’re all so smart and so talented. I want to be on par with you.” She met Ryan’s dark green eyes. “I want to be good enough for you.”

  Cai let out a deep breath, wrapping her in his arms and kissing her gently. “Is this why you’re so determined to do this? Nora. We are all proud of you. Proud of the way you’ve survived. You saved those kids at the high school. You go out of your way for others. I don’t care if you have a college degree. It doesn’t have anything to do with why we care about you.”

  “We need you to be safe,” Ryan agreed. “Please, Nora. Let us help you. Don’t do this.”

  Desperation tinged his voice, and it broke her heart to think, after everything he’d done for her, she was hurting him. If she could give him what he wanted, why shouldn't she? “Okay.” She closed her eyes.

  “Okay?” He didn’t believe her.

  “Okay.” She opened her eyes, struck by the identical smiles of relief on Ryan and Cai’s faces. Searching for Seok, she found him, arms crossed, regarding her seriously. His face was unreadable and she shifted her gaze back to Ryan. “I’ll start looking for a job. If you can get me out of the contract, I’ll get out. Okay, Ryan?”

  He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her head, her cheeks, her mouth. “Yes.”

  He leaned back, looking between her and Cai. “Find a job and save. You’ll get your degree. I’ll go with you to the admissions office. Maybe it won’t happen right now, but we’ll make it happen. I promise.”

  She nodded, glad Ryan and Cai were happy. But she was also disappointed. She thought she’d figured it out, thought she was moving forward. She met Seok’s gaze and he smiled at her.

  Perhaps, if I make them this happy, this is the right path after all.

  Six

  Please Just Be Done

  SEOK WANTED NORA to be done with Dr. Murray. When she’d gotten out of the car, her face was gray, and while he held her shaking body, he watched those doctors watch her, like they were gauging her reaction and taking notes. Unsurprising, it wasn’t a prank, but some part of a bigger test.

  He could have walked away, been content to get her home and share her story, but when he realized she was injured, it pushed him over the edge from angry to incensed. No matter what their purpose had been, there was no excuse for physically injuring her.

  He shook out his hand, his knuckles still aching from the punch, but he’d do it again in a heartbeat. In fact, he wished he could.

  He also wished Nora looked happier. He didn’t like seeing her defeated. He was proud of her for standing up for herself, for challenging them when they asked her to quit the study. He understood why she’d agreed to participate initially, since it was his stupidity which made her think she had no other options.

  Because he’d messed up. He’d been an asshole, and left her believing she had no choice but to leave. His decisions made her think he didn’t care about her.

  “I should talk to Apollo and Matisse,” she said, glancing at the stairs. “Explain everything.” She pushed herself off the couch, catching the icepack before it hit the floor.

  “Want us to come?”

  She paused for a moment before shaking her head. “No. It’s okay.”

  Moving slower than she had this morning, she climbed the steps. Now that her adrenaline had drained, she was probably feeling her aches and pains again.

  “I feel like an asshole,” Cai said after she disappeared from sight. “Why do I feel like I’m making her give up her dream?”

  “You’re not.” Ryan shook his head. “But we are asking her to rely on us. She’s worked so hard, on her own, for so long. The future she dreamed about and never thought she could have was dangled in front of her.”

  “And the doctor made it sound as if she could do it herself.” He flipped his hair out of his face. The fringe of his bangs fell in front of his eyes and he pushed it back again. “She doesn’t want to make our lives harder.”

  “She doesn’t!” Ryan argued. “Okay, so we’re working some things out. This isn’t the relationship I saw myself having, but now, I can’t imagine anything else.”

  “I don’t want to,” he answered under his breath.

  Cai was silent. He leaned back into the sofa, the muscle working in his jaw. He rubbed his hand along his scruff and sighed. “You love her?”

  “Yes,” Ryan answered quickly. “I do.”

  Was this feeling in his chest, this worry and need to protect her, this wild happiness and constant state of arousal, was this love?

  Cai raised his eyebrows, wordlessly asking him the same question.

  “Yes.” His voice was decisive. “I don’t know what else to call this. It has to be love.”

  Cai rubbed his jaw again.“You’re calling the doctor?”

  Startled at the abrupt topic change, Ryan nodded. “I am.”

  “Let me know what he says, all right? I’m going to call the director of the center, see if I can get Nora hired there.”

  Glad to have a plan, Seok smiled. She was good there. The kids related to her, liked her. Even better, Cai would be around to keep an eye on her, make sure she was all right, happy. He sighed, finally releasing the breath he hadn’t realized he held.

  seven

  Making It Up to Apollo

  WHEN A TENTATIVE knock sounded on Apollo’s door, he knew it was Nora checking on him because he’d thrown a hissy fit.

  “Come in.” He rubbed his hands over his face and put his glasses on.

  “Hey,” she greeting nervously, poking her head around the side of the door.

  “Hey, baby,” he answered, blushing. “I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t need to apologize. I’m sorry I was being thick.”

  He smiled at her choice of words. In another life, his mother had used a similar phrase when he would dig his heels in unreasonably.

  “No.” Once he’d cooled off, he understood why she was fighting them on quitting the study. She wanted her degree, and to be self-sufficient. “I get it. I just don’t like it.”

  Holding her hand over the icepack on her side, she sat awkwardly on the bed. She seemed unsure he wanted her next to him. He couldn’t stand to see her that way. Putting his hand over hers and his arm around her shoulders, he eased her back on the bed so she was lodged firmly in the crook of his arm.

  “There,” he whispered, burying his face in her hair. “That’s better.”

  Snuggling into his side, she made a small noise of agreement. “I’m quitting,” she said suddenly.

  “What?” He lifted his head.”Why?”

  Her fingers played on his chest. “It’s not fair. You guys are so worried. I’m being selfish. And stupid. I’ll get out of the contract and find a job. Save up. I’ll eventually get a degree.” She yawned hugely. “It’ll happen.”

  The tension in her body grew as she spoke. No matter what she was telling him, she really did want to go on with the study. He knew she had reservations, but to her, they didn’t outweigh the benefits of going to school.

  “You’ll stay here.” It wasn’t a question.

  “That’s what Ryan and Cai said, too.”

  “And Seok?”

  “And Seok,” she confirmed. “Seok said it first.”

  “God, baby,” he breathed. “I can’t tell you how relieved I feel right now.”

  Pushing hersel
f up a little, she kissed his chin. “I know. I’m sorry I stressed you out so much.”

  He shifted onto his side, propping his head on his hand. He pushed her golden brown hair away from her face to kiss the end of her nose. Her lids lowered over her brown eyes, giving her a drowsy look. “Sleepy?” he husked.

  She shook her head, her curly hair spreading over his pillow. Leaning down again, he kissed her nose. Her hand held his face, and when he lightly licked her lips, she opened them, touching her tongue to his.

  He ran his palm along her skin, loving the way goosebumps erupted under his hand. She gave a shiver and he was lost, puffed up with pride that he made her feel these things.

  It popped into his mind for a moment that his best friends had seen her in similar positions, but then he pushed it away. He didn’t want to feel anything but Nora right now. He’d need to deal with his jealousy later. If this was happening, a relationship between her and the five of them, jealousy would be inevitable.

  A tiny breathy moan escaped her, and he shoved every thought except her lips, her skin, her sounds, out of his head. He pulled his mouth away from hers, wanting to feel more skin under his lips.

  Tentatively, he trailed his hand to her stomach. She answered the question in his eyes and nodded quickly. “Please,” she whispered.

  The skin of her stomach was smooth and hot. His darker skin contrasted with her lighter brown, and he loved it. Unable to stop himself, he replaced his hand with his lips.

  She smelled different here. He imagined this was a purely Nora smell. There wasn’t the lingering trace of his body wash or shampoo on her skin. Though he had to admit, when he first buried his face in her neck and smelled his scent, he’d struggled not to rip her clothes off and bury himself inside her to the hilt. Every movement he made he had to temper, and gentle.

  Her weight and size was negligible in his arms, but she never made him feel unwieldy or clumsy. He wasn’t a bull in a china shop; she didn’t flinch or look at his size in ways that made him worry. She met each touch with equal pressure, every press of skin with kisses or sighs. Every second with her made him feel more comfortable in his own skin than he could ever remember feeling before.

  She sucked in a breath as his lips skimmed the edge of her pants and he smiled. She giggled in response, like she could feel his smile against her skin. He pushed her shirt further up her body and stopped. A dark bruise began at her collarbone. A little lower and toward the center of her chest was another round bruise, and then on and near her healing bullet graze, and finally, another at her waist.

  He closed his eyes, trying to reduce his rage to a simmer. “I know quitting isn’t what you want, not really.” He opened his eyes, meeting her worried gaze. “But I am fucking relieved as hell you’re not going to do that study. Look at you, baby.”

  Lifting her head, her eyes zoomed in on the newly bruised skin. “Mood killer, isn’t it?” she said, trying for lightness and dropping her head to the pillow.

  “Hardly,” he growled. He glided his lips along the bruises, starting at her waist and trailing along her skin to her collarbone. His lips barely touched her, but she arched her back, moaning.

  “You can touch me,” she said, holding onto his shoulders. “Please.”

  “Lift your arms,” he whispered in response.

  Slowly, she lifted them. He helped her, worried she’d hurt herself, until she was clad in her nude bra.

  “You’re so beautiful.” His lips pressed the top of each breast, nuzzling the skin and sucking it lightly. He pulled the bra cup down, exposing her nipple to the air. It pebbled, the skin a dark, flushed purple. Her eyes shut tight, chin tilting toward the ceiling while she writhed on the bed.

  He smiled, amazed and humbled he could get her to this point. With the tip of his tongue he touched her nipple lightly.

  Gripping his head, she held his mouth to her. He was happy to stay right where he was, but from the way she moved on the bed, she needed more.

  His fingers fumbled with the button on her jeans, and he had to stop kissing her for a moment. Breathe. He needed to believe she was really about to let him touch her; it wasn’t a dream.

  “Are you sure?” His voice shook, and he cleared his throat before asking again, trying to keep his voice even. “Are you sure?”

  Lifting her head and propping herself on her elbows, Nora giggled. “Yes.” She waggled her eyebrows at him. “Very.” She used a low sexy voice and rolled her r’s, making him chuckle.

  Suddenly, his nervousness was gone. He unbuttoned her jeans, and slid them down her hips and thighs, dragging her underwear along with them until she was laid out before him. She squeezed her legs together, but he dragged his hand along her knee to her inner thigh. He took her lips with his, kissing her deeply, slipping his tongue into her mouth and slowly stroking her skin with his hand.

  Eventually, her knees fell open, and his fingers danced along the folds of her soft core. Wet and velvety smooth, he drew his finger through her dampness, rubbing light, tight circles over her clit until she gasped and groaned.

  Hand reaching for his, she stilled him. Her hair lay in damp tendrils across her forehead and along the sides of her face.

  With their fingers entwined, he continued to circle her, dipping into her core to collect more wetness and glide his fingers along her skin.

  Her fingers squeezed his. “Stop,” she panted. “Wait.”

  Afraid he hurt her, he stopped immediately. She peeled her fingers from his and unbuttoned his jeans, reaching inside so she could grasp his length with her small hand. Her fingers were wet from her arousal, and for some reason, it turned him on even more.

  Her hands pumped against his base and then circled his tip before repeating the motion. He closed his eyes, leaning his head against her shoulder. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe with her hand on him. He thrust his hips a little, her hand tightening deliciously. He did it again, and again, letting out a deep groan.

  Her face lifted to his, and she licked her way into his mouth. Trailing his fingers back to her center, he slowly pushed one thick finger inside her. Her inner muscles clenched down on him, while her hand circled his length.

  Bit by bit, he inserted a second finger along with the first, withdrawing and then thrusting back inside her. Nora’s hips began to move in time with his hand. Soon they were both pushing against each other’s bodies, their breath coming faster and faster.

  “Nora.” He sucked in a breath. "Baby, I’m close.”

  She nodded against his lips, inhaling quickly. Her muscles clenched down on him, pulsing and throbbing as she let out a small, quiet moan. He came seconds later, jetting across her hand and stomach. When he lifted his head and opened his eyes, hers were still closed, but a small satisfied smile played on her lips.

  He kissed each edge.

  “I love you, Apollo.” She opened her eyes, and they blazed at him fiercely, daring him to disagree with her.

  He wouldn’t. He needed her love. Craved it. He wanted to horde it and keep it close to him forever.

  “I love you,” he whispered, kissing her one more time before reaching for the tissues next to the bed and cleaning her hand and stomach. He wrapped his arms around her. “I need a nap.”

  “Another one?”

  “Yes.” He kissed the top of her head. “Stop arguing. Sleep.”

  Nora sighed, and relaxed into his shoulder. “Okay. I can’t argue with naps.”

  Apollo didn’t know how long he stayed there, listening to her breathing, but eventually he fell asleep, too, as happy and as fulfilled as he’d ever been in his whole life.

  eight

  Getting Out

  “ARE YOU SURE I can’t come with you?”

  Nora dug through the bag Detective Vance gave her, looking for her wallet and I.D. “No. I’m stopping at the grocery store for my first interview and then I have a second one at the bookstore. I applied online last night.”

  “That�
��s great,” Apollo enthused.

  A job was a job, and she wanted to start working her plan. Last night she used Matisse’s computer to fill-out applications. If she was healed enough to get herself from place to place, it was time for her to support herself. As soon as she submitted the applications, she received an auto-response giving her a time for an interview.

  She did one other thing last night, but she wasn’t going to tell any of the guys about it. She filled out the questionnaire Dr. Murray gave her, and she printed it out. She didn’t do it for him; he wouldn’t need it after they met today and she resigned, but she found herself wanting to answer the questions.

  Once she started the introspection, she couldn’t stop. She’d written page after page of responses digging deep, deeper than she’d ever gone.

  Are you in a relationship? How do you see your relationship developing? How do you want it to develop?

  The last two questions seemed to ask the same thing, but as she thought about it, she realized the first asked about reality, and the second asked about fantasy.

  How did she see her relationship with the guys developing? Physically, they were moving fast. Emotionally, they were moving even faster. She’d fallen for them after no time, and now she was in love with them. All five of them. Solidly.

  But how could a relationship between five guys and one girl possibly work?

  She turned it over and over in her head. If she was one of five girls in love with Ryan, or Seok, how would she feel? Everything in her body and heart rebelled at the idea. The image of someone else touching them, kissing them, hearing them say they loved her… it made her heart crack open.

  So what would it do to the guys? She didn’t love one more than the other, and she couldn’t imagine giving one of them up. The crack which appeared in her heart when she considered them with someone else? It widened when she thought of living without them.

  The reality of this relationship was she had absolutely no idea how it would develop. And if it didn’t, and she had to leave them, it would gut her.